i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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