Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
