puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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