you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
