Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
