Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
