Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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