You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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