can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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