you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
