everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
