I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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