I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
