By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
