My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
