Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
