so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
