Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
