maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
