i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It's just like the Real World with babies
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
