Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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