ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
