she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
