so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
