I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
