O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
