Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
