Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
