woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
