I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
