found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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