I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
