the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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