I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
