1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
