I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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