well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
