I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i will never coherently bang her
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
