I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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