Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
