I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
