i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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