Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
well you can't waste a boner
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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