After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
