If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
