One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
