sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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