You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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