the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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