Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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