It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
