i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
