You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
