I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
