I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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