He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
