it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
