guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
