Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
